I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Randomize
