when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am one with the molecules
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
