His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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