I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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