i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
