My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
