I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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