im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
