Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
