i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
