Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
