My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
