You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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