I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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