Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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