it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to sanitize my soul.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
