I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
