Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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