hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
