remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
