Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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