you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
