I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
