Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
