It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
