I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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