i think my mom watched the whole time
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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