Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
