So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
