somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize