you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
