kristin has been a bad kristin
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
