Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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