If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize