just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
