He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize