$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
