she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
