To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
