your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
