Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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