after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
