Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Too much gin, very little bucket
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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