i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
