does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have already put on my inside pants.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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