note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
