I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My ass is underappreciated
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
