Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
