I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
