i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
