why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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