Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
