You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
