I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
