Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
