grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This house was built for laser tag.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
