I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
