Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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