I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
