My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
