how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
