I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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