im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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