i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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