you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
