you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
