can u get pink eye on your cock?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize