My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was confusing and full of hummus
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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