We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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