They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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