I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
