Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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