you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize