they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
