my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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