I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
